MATCH REPORTS
MATCH REPORTS
BMC MW1 - Melmac MW1
BERLICUM | September 11, 2019 | By: Robin Zandee
An Epic journey through wild Brabant: Trials, campfires, island council, reconnections, immunity, betrayal, broken relationships and one question: Who is the best baker?
(This match report is satire and is not based on truth, but on 3 well-filled glasses of port (except that unfortunately we really lost)) On a rainy September 10, the first match of the oh-so-great mixed team from Melmac was scheduled . Against BMC it was a long journey in which the group visited the picturesque Balkum (Berlicum for the sensible-speaking Dutch among us) in various ways, of course known for the catapult (https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_katapult). During this trip I was given the opportunity to take my 'Suitable to travel with women'. I was allowed to travel by public transport with Mrs. Gielen, Nell and Aunt Carien. During this master test, various facets were discussed that had to be met. This is how Mrs. Nell my geographical knowledge through trick questions about the direction to walk and checking out at the right bus stop. It soon became apparent that Nell was not satisfied with my qualities, so I had to pin my hopes on Mrs. Gielen and Aunt Carien (a vote of at least 2/3 of the jury is required to pass). Gielen was responsible for the small talk category. An ideal fellow traveler for women knows, just like women, how to talk about anything and everything without creating so-called 'awkward silences'. Fortunately, I had recently opened my theory book, so I came across useful tips such as: 'Did you have a nice weekend?', 'What crap weather, isn't it?', 'Looking forward to the competition', 'What a dirty man Erik is, isn't he?!' 'What do you actually think of Brabant sausage rolls' and the golden rule 'HE????'. Thanks to these silence fillers, I managed to satisfy Gielen, so I only needed one jury member. My last opportunity to pass the exam immediately proved to be the toughest challenge. With Aunt Carien I faced a tough test to talk to a lady about relationships. Difficult statements were discussed that would make any man sweat drip down his brow. I will reassure the male reader by not going into detail about this, but to give an example of a topic:
'Men can't answer two questions at once, SO annoying', or 'Why can't boys always understand exactly what I mean'. I managed to satisfy Aunt Carien (No, not like that, you perverts) by using my secret weapons: 'providing a listening ear' and 'providing pleasant distractions such as stories from the past'. Thanks to this positive turn, success remained in sight. However, the result was only announced on the return journey, so it is now time for the match report! We lost 16-10. There were 3 debutants on our side (yay!), a majority of whom scored, which offers a lot of potential for the future. To quote a confused man (Stefan): “Only the big ones can do that.” Unfortunately, one of the debutants suffered an injury due to a stretched leg from the opponent for which the referee really should have given a red card. Manon, good luck! After the competition it was time for the return trip, where I would receive the results of my exam. As a final offensive, I decided, completely voluntarily, to take the shirts from the match to wash before the next match. With this I hoped to show the three ladies (Men, read: to convince them) that I am a gentleman. After long deliberation between the three ladies, they came to their verdict. Robin, you have earned the designation 'Suitable for traveling with women'. Aunt Carien's voice was not very convincing. I could hardly contain my joy and was about to do an embarrassing victory dance out of joy, luckily I could barely contain my joy. I understand from Gielen, Nell and Aunt Carien that I will receive official recognition at the next competition, on September 17, 2019, which will be in the form of a sticker. Because this joyful event coincides with my birthday, I would like to invite everyone to be present for this beautiful moment! You are all invited! By the way, I looked for my bike at the station for an hour afterwards with no results. The next day I even found out that my bike had been stolen. Conclusion: shit day.
